First of all, for years the idea of starting a blog appealed to the creative side in me. Mainly because I like the idea of letting go all insecurity about who I am and doing this by sharing it and not knowing who will read it. A while back, the idea seemed liberating, but way too scary! What if someone judges what i write? Well, things have changed. I figure i’ve been through many scarier experiences than writing about my life and opinions. Plus, we are all surrounded by judgements all the time. So here’s to saying yes to life 👍✌
‘All about me’. ‘Tell me about yourself’. ‘How would you describe yourself in 3 words?’ I found myself with a blank stare at job interviews when this question came up, or ending up writing things like ‘bubbly, friendly, responsible’ on my resumes which is a bit of a fib considering it really depends on my mood and and a whole lot of other things as to if I’m going to be responsible or bubbly that day. I can’t describe myself in three words not because I’m not sure what my personality is or don’t know myself well but because I am human and not only a human but a WOMAN. Not only a woman but a woman who is constantly changing, growing and learning. I will no longer sit in a job interview and try to find the words that i think you want to hear or that you you should hire me because I’ll never let you down (because I probably will at some point, although I’ll do my best not to). But what I will say is that I have a kind heart, honest words, a curious mind and a whole lot of love. (Although I’m not so sure that will get me the job.) Some times I am consistent, show up on time, have awesome multi-tasking skills and good communication. Other times I am a complete whirlwind, forget my shoes, emotions all over the place, stumble on my sentences and am just trying to remember the next place im going. I will have bad days where I may need a bit of support or encouragement, but so will you, and that’s when I’ll be there to help you right back.
I love real. I love to speak the truth and tell you exactly how it is, just as I love hearing what someone truly thinks. What about the whole ‘How are you?’ ‘Oh, i’m fine.’ I want to tell you how irritable ive been feeling and im not sure why, or that i find it so damn hard to be a housewife sometimes that i wonder if im cut out for this job, not just ‘yeah, I’m okay. ‘ I want you to tell me about how demanding your job is or your deepest desires. This may be a risky way to be as sometimes I can find myself caught up in situations where people may not like what I have to say or I may stick my nose in a public situation where I feel I have to speak my mind to try and help someone. But at the end of a day, REALNESS is amazing. I am not necessarily or claim to be an empowered woman with feminist values all the time and dont like to try and maintain any kind of identity like that anymore because thats just not realistic for me, i just want to keep it real.
I think there is a bit of a stigma around maintaining some kind of ‘mystery’ as a woman. Sure, there are times when it is socially inappropriate to say certain things or some things which should be kept to one selves but I think sometimes we need to aim to proudly be ouselves, allow people to be shocked at what we do or say, and be a shoulder to cry on because we all go through hard times in our different ways and how the heck are we supposed to be there for one another if we don’t be real about how we feel.
I cannot believe i spent my teenage years thinking that i am working towards fitting into a certain genre or way. Even now i have days where i am focused on all that i find difficult or my weaknesses. I am on a journey to finding my authenticity and celebrating my strengths more often that not.
So, to get to the point, I am writing this blog with the intention to start writing real things without any fear of what people might think. I believe that speaking up about anything whether it be a personal experience or what you believe is right is a great liberty and good for society. It normalises people’s ‘problems’ when they think they may be alone, it makes people aware of things they might not have been aware of before, and you never know, it may just save someones life one day. So, realistically if someone was to ask me about myself, I guess I’d tell them something like this:
First and foremost, I am a mother. This role as a mother has taken up every nook and cranny of my identity and my life for the past four years and it is the best thing I have ever done/will do. I never think about what I am ‘missing out’ as some young adults may think about young parents, as I know from experience that I get more joy and happiness from my children than I could ever have got from any time travelling overseas or any experience that not being a mother could have given me. Being a mother has also created and shaped me as an adult. I have been truly tested to the core and been through many hard times, not because my children have put me through hard times, but because I’ve always had the responsibility of caring for them to my best ability while I have been having a hard time. (Ive also experienced the negative side of hormonal imbalances since having my babes.) But so much positivity has come from being a mother, my heart grew full of compassion and empathy for others which was not there before, I became much more interested in health and world issues due to wanting to protect my children, and I became aware of the true beauty, fragility and joy that the world has to offer just from creating my children. Each age and step along the way brings with it new challenges and puts you in new situations. What a complete gift a child is to everyone. I am so utterly blessed with these children. I am also from time to time ridden with fear of not being able to always protect them from the world. They are so unbelievably precious that each birthday I celebrate not just the day that they were born but the fact that ‘Thank goodness they are still here and healthy!’ The world seems like such a dangerous place and you are forced into having to just trust it because sometimes you just need to let them go to school! 😉 They are also a constant reminder every day of my own potential. I cannot actually believe I created these beautiful creatures!
I am and always have been a curious question asker. As a young child I would ask questions about everything and I still do question everything. I am a huge over-thinker and take on a lot more problems that might not be my own where I can end up deeply hurt and feel helplesss. One beautiful phrase I remind myself of often is ‘Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.’ And ‘Stop overthinking, it’s okay not to know all the answers.’ 🙂
Another pretty important thing you should know about me is that ever since I was a child I have struggled with anxiety which has come out in all different forms over the years. It is only of recent times that i have learnt to accept and embrace this part of myself which I had previously always viewed as such a dark aspect of the way i am. But the truth is, my anxiety has always led me to seeking out positive change and i would not have a lot have discovered a lot of the things that inspire me and which I adore today if it wasn’t for this so-called weakness. Because of it it also gives me the compassion to understand people who are struggling and has given me the life experience to be able to truly care for and help others. Anxious people can often find life to be a lot more difficult than most but they are often also extremely creative and tend to be the ‘doers’ and positive changes makers of the world. So even though I have had many times in life which have been a struggle due to my anxiety and some days still can be, I choose to now trust in that this is not a negative thing and is actually a kind of gift.
I am a complete lover of life and want to explore, experience and learn everything, and I want to do it now!!! This can sometimes lead to me to be confused about what direction I am heading, what my goals are and how to get there because I can never make my mind up because I just want to do and be everything. So I am currently learning one of the most important things of all. Organisation! I am learning how to set my goals and how to get there, to slow down and enjoy all the beauty along the way. I am naturally extremely unorganised so being a housewife truly tests you, this is a priority of mine which I am working hard at.
I come from an amazing family who has had it’s ‘realness’ of up’s and down’s yet my siblings and I have supportive and close relationships with each other. I am the youngest child of four. I have two sisters and one brother. We all moved from the United Kingdom when I was 10 years old and my parents seperated when I was 14. I rely hugely on my sister’s and mum’s support and advice through all my life decisions.
I am a qualified yoga instructor but recently stopped teaching as I felt I couldn’t balance teaching, studying the practice and motherhood at the same time without becoming overwhelmed. Yoga is a very spiritual practice which I have a deep and passionate connection to but it needs to be maintained and is a disciplinary practice where you have to turn up at your mat consistently and right now I am not focused on that. So my current studies involve fully participating and finding time to balance my relationships, interests and this crazy and wonderful life that I have.
So there is a little bit about me. Stay tuned for more insight into myself, my life and the people in it as well as all over the place blogs about all kinds of things from a bit of an all over the place person.
Have a beautiful day wherever you are reading this right now 💖