The battle

The questions in my head refuse to go to bed,

The enquiries in my mind hesitate to turn a blind eye,

A battle between contentment and the search for more, a fight between the desire to be in the now and the ever wandering flow of rampant, unapologetic thoughts,

A confusion at the amount of decision and choice given to oneself in a world that is going to make its decisions for you,

A deep trust, yet a continuous stampede of questions of what im trusting in,

A mix if a creative, spiritual being and a habit forming animal instinct,

The desire to sit and take in every available space of the joy and abundance given to me in each moment, yet the strong pull of my ego trying to steal my attention,

The complexity of all life, contained in one physical body which is a mere speck of existence in the vast and inconceivable universe in which I reside.

What. The. Fuck. Even. Is. Life?


The inside job

One thing that I have truly come to realise on my journey (life journey that is) is that happiness is not created by the amount of money we earn or what people think of us (which I am truly grateful to have learnt at such a young age, this saved me many years of potentially wasting precious time searching for external happiness which would never had been granted to me).

To me, it is just a waste of time to base happiness on ones bank account. I feel saddened by the amount of people wasting their lives on the strive for more money and material things to make them feel whole. I don’t think that a person necessarily feel’s complete once they have realised that searching for those external things are not the answer. Because what we humans are truly good at is not being content, always striving for more, it’s part of how we have evolved. That is why I feel gratitude is the most transformational tool to change ones thinking (therefore life journey.) It gives us the ability to come back to our natural states of of joy, awe, and love. Seriously guys, I believe this shit wholeheartedly. I also believe that in life we have to suffer, we must suffer purely because suffering is a part of the whole uncomprehensable thing we call life.

But I believe more in the strength of love, joy and grace over states of anger, guilt and resentment.


I think we are intelligent and spiritual enough as humans to recognise this innate truth of satisfaction not being attained from the external world. Each and everyone know this intuitively. I believe that behind every successful businessman, celebrity and politician who believes that their success defines them, there is a part that knows that this is not their nature. But we hide behind the ignorance of it all, because in a way, it’s easier to live a mundane and fairly predictable life than living a life of truth and humility. The more people who realise this truth, the less people who will be involved in the conformity of unhealthy mainstream media which feeds young minds the bullshit that creates this psychological disease in the first place.


Just because we know this truth of happiness and contentment being an inside job, does not mean to say we shouldn’t work jobs or obtain good educations because otherwise we would be homeless and we need enough money to sustain our own security and wellbeing so we can have the opportunity to live fulfilled lives. But thinking that money and success defines us is where we make the mistake. We can get so caught up in these loopholes so bloody easily! Sucked in by the media and all the fucking bullshit. Am I allowed to swear on here? Getting sucked in by the lies is okay and normal once in a while, as long as we come back to realise that none of that matters, and what really is of importance in our lives.

Thank you for reading my ramblings,

Jade xx

The urge to write.

It hasn’t always been that i have felt the urge to write. It started after I had my children and came into true womanhood and felt an array of emotions and thoughts that I couldn’t put into words that i felt ‘the urge’. A longing to make sense of my thoughts and feelings.

When I am having an argument with my partner or any kind of serious topic is provoked with anyone, even ones that I feel passionate about, I struggle to put my thoughts into words. It just feels as though my thoughts are so far away from my speech that whatever comes out of my mouth will not do my opinions justice or sound anything like what I actually think. And most of the time reality does occur like this! I rarely can have a deep conversation with someone where I feel like I can fully express what I mean to say. So when these topics come up all I want to do is say ‘sorry, but I’ll text or write it to you.’ Kind of inconvenient right.

Anyway, so as this fellow who I don’t know much about (E.M Forster) says ‘How do I know what I think until I see what I say?’ Pretty much. When I journal or write about all the good in my life, everything seems to be put a bit more into perspective. Things also seem a lot less all over the place.

So I’m grateful guys! I’m grateful I’ve found a way to express (kind of) what I mean. Because sometimes it’s just so hard to find a voice for my emotions and thoughts when there is the pressure of someone waiting for me to speak? This must seem so strange to some.

But this reminds me of a ted talk I once saw… it talked about finding new words for obscure emotions, in my case this represents to me that sometimes some of us just can’t find words in our minds that we have learnt to describe our emotions. It’s titled ‘Beautiful new words to describe obscure emotions’ by John Koenig. I love it!

My favorite word from there is ‘Sonder’. I have felt this emotion since I was a small child and if was awesome to finally put a word to what I didn’t understand!

Jade xxx

Hope, faith, trust and pixie dust 

I am amazed that when I embrace my so called ‘downfalls/weaknesses’ and allow them to be present without resisting or trying to change them, they not only transform into not being weaknesses at all but the negativity that i associates usually dissipates significantly. How beautiful that when we stop resisting and fighting against the current that we have tried to change for so long and just let it be there this is when everything falls into place. 

This remimds me of childbirth. If you resist the contractions/surges they will only become too strong for you to bear whereas if you ride them as if they are waves in the ocean you can relax and be in an empowering and incredible experience of birthing your child. One of the beautiful paradoxes of life. Our minds are so restless and think everything has to be so damn hard, whereas in fact if we allow ourselves to let go of our sense of control, we can feel ease. I am learning this art of letting life be good, letting life be easy. Not an easy lesson for such a naturally restless and anxious mind. There is a secret ingredient I have learnt to be of great importance when it comes to letting things be as they are. The secret ingredient is trust. Some call it faith. Not an easy lesson for a athiest who has never had much trust in anything. 

Although, I had experienced fleeting moments of feelings of deep trust and support occasionally in my experiences during deep relaxation being a yoga student and teacher and i knew feeling this way was possible but I always had a limiting belief that to have faith you need to believe in God or follow strict religious guidelines so I kind of always accepted this idea that I couldn’t really experience faith. For the most parts of my life I have always held an almost paranoid view of the world around me, not trusting in my journey and thinking that most people have alterior motives. I know that I gained this perspective of the world from a very young age from various experiences that I can look back on and I can understand why. 

For as long as I can remember I have always read books and seeked out self-development information and that is how I stumbled upon great leaders and teachers who didn’t happen to refer to faith as a religious thing but referred to ‘trusting the universe.’ This shifted my perspective of having to fit into a certain type of cultural or religious type to have trust in the process of life. Dr Wayne Dyer talks about how he believes every person comes in to your life for a reason or to teach you a lesson. He also talks about how we may come and go in other people’s lives to teach them something too (sometimes without realising).  He also believes that not only our relationships with people teach us things or happen for a reason but that every experience matters too (not only the positive exerience’s, maybe even more so the negative ones because they are the ones with the most power for change).


This man who lived a full life and touched many people’s lives in a positive way explains that looking back on his life, he believes every thing was relevant to teach him certain lessons and that they were all connected to each other.  To be honest, I have never really believed that things happen for a reason due to our freedom of choice and I think we choose and create our lives. But this concept of the universe working in mysterious ways that we may not notice opening up certain opportunities for us etc really does resonate with me. Many extremely successful people talk about the law of attraction and that if you really want some thing and believe it is possible the universe will work in your favor to have it. This is so beautiful and i will love that the universe is always for you, helping you create your reality.

What I know for sure is I get the most enjoyment out of life when I live with a mindset that trusts in the process of life, even during the challenging times. Of course sometimes doubt creeps in that i am not supported, but why feed this mindset by living it when it does nothing positive for me or thise around me? So this is my mantra ~ trust, trust, trust. 

My housewife life.

I am not a natural born housewife. I am terribly awful at organisation and house-wifing is a big challenge for me! Not because I am lazy or don’t care about my household but because I get easily overwhelmed and struggle with getting focused on each task (since there are continuously so many.) My savour has been writing lists, prioritising and organising to the best of my abilities. Since buying our first home I have struggled with becoming settled, trying to make our home a home for us, and an overload of cleaning keeping everything from being chaos in the household.

A lot of women don’t seem too bothered by the state of their homes and seem to keep on top of things really well whereas if I feel like i’m doing a crappy job of it it really plays on my mind. I suppose I like to validate to myself that I am doing a good enough job.

Our life at home involves cuddles and kisses, serving food, jumping on couches and beds and playing ‘Guess Who’. Oh, also showering a toddler who I forgot to put a nappy on who number two’d everywhere, along with finding a 4 year old drawing a lovely piece of artwork on an ivory painted wall.


I can’t say that cooking is or has ever been one of my favourite activities yet it is the activity that I spend a lot of time doing/thinking about. I see it as part of my job when I am looking after my Japanese student’s that I have from time to time and I usually end up feeling pretty guilty if I don’t have a plate of dinner waiting for my man when he gets home from work or already prepared lunch for him in the fridge for the next day. I suppose this probably stems from always seeing my mother provide so well for the family in terms of food. She always had dinner on the table when we got home from school and my dad would never go without a large meaty dinner and cooked english breakfasts. Yet the funny thing is, I hardly ever remember seeing her sit down to eat with us. Now after asking her i know that her dinner time would be eating the leftovers off our plates as she was cleaning up or eating a few bites here and there while cooking. Even more funny enough is that I find myself doing that now that I am in charge of cooking for a family!

My partner sometimes complains that we can never manage to sit down at the table as a family each night because I’m not ready to eat until I’m satisfied that everyone else has eaten and the girls are all over the place so they usually end up eating on a mat on the floor or me feeding them. I know this is a bad habit but I have learnt to stop feeling such guilt that I haven’t established a traditional ‘everyone sitting at the table to eat’ because for me this is much more of a challenge than the actual cooking and cleaning and i usually just end up feeling overwhelmed with the process. So I have kindly told my partner to accept it until the kids are a bit older and things are a bit more easy.


It has taken me such a long time to grasp a cleaning style that suits me. I am not and will never be someone who notices the dust in the corner of the room or on top of the fans. I simply clean the visible things I see and have to write down reminders to deep clean occasionally. I set a dedicated time to focus on the cleaning for a few hours most days. And yes, it does take me a good 2-3 hours with a toddler who hardly naps. I have self-diagnosed myself to have a bit ADD (I tend to self-diagnose quite a lot) so i set myself the task of cleaning a couple of different rooms in the same time period so that when I lose my focus or concentration on one I can move onto the other and keep switching. This tends to get things done a lot quicker for me and I am a pretty good multi-tasker so i can get pretty much everything done it a couple hours. This includes kitchen, bedrooms, toilets, bathrooms, lounge and dining area, and the laundry! But the house is only ever just clean enough, never spick and span. I’m okay with this for now. Maybe when the kids are older it will be sparkly and smell like flowers.


When we first moved into our home (we have been here for nearly a year) we were excited as we have two spare rooms downstairs (our bedrooms and living area are upstairs). We decided we would utilise one of the rooms downstairs as a toy/play room and the girls would share a bedroom upstairs. This did not work. My oldest daughter kind of forgot that downstairs existed and wasn’t happy to play down there without me (fair enough, it’s pretty far away down there.) So the toys and pretty much everything ended upstairs with us and it feels like we are living in more of an apartment rather than a four bedroom house with a big garden.

We hardly use the garden with a trampoline apart from when I am hanging the washing out. Mainly because we are mostly outside at parks and when we get home were all pretty wrecked and just want to chill. We originally wanted to build a big cubby house outside as my partner is a pretty rad carpenter but we decided that we are probably not going to be here for more than a couple years as we have other plans (I will talk about this in another blog.)

So to wrap up this blog, I kind of suck at being a housewife. Sometimes I long for a well organised minimilistic household where everyone has they’re own shoes and bag areas and the kids pack away their toys. But I do manage to feed everyone, clean up what is needed to be put away, and probably choose to play with my kids more than clean.

I do my best! All us mums do the best with our strengths and weaknesses and with whatever is going on at the time. Respect to all mummas xxxx

Ps: My day always starts with coffee and ends with wine.

Write soon! Jade xxx


My second ‘Hypnobirth’ story


My second daughter is now 14 months old. My pregnancy with her was very smooth just like my first. I seem to feel my best during pregnancy and my worst post-partum. So onto my hypnobirthing story with Scarlett (well as much as I can recall as I don’t have the best memory.)

I didn’t attend any hypnobirthing classes with my second pregnancy like I did with the first. I did read some of the book, occasionally listened to the cd towards the end and practiced some breathing.  I felt confident that I would experience not a painful birth, but a beautiful and empowering one. I was in a good mindset about this for my entire pregnancy. When people asked me if I was scared, I could honestly answer ‘not in the slightest. Just excited.’

I was overdue nearly two weeks and booked in for an advised induction the day after I gave birth naturally. I had been having very mild contractions on and off for the past day but not too many symptoms or labor. The midwife came to my home in the morning to give me a membrane sweep (suppose to loosen the cervix a bit and hopefully get things moving.) She left and a few hours later I started to have sporadic mild contractions. I kept going about my day but decided to call Dave (my fiance) to let him know what was happening as he was working at the Gold Coast that day and feared missing the birth.

All afternoon I experienced mild contractions that didn’t seem to be increasing in intensity much at all and I was still able to walk normally without having to stop. Dave came home and I made dinner for my daughter and put her to bed like normal (I think my body was kind of intuitively waiting to put her to bed before labor truly began. Strange things happen like this when your body takes over completely!) Dave and I went to bed around 9 hoping to get some sleep but didn’t really as contractions started to increase in intensity a little.

From here on I don’t remember much about the night. It is a blurred memory of swaying in the shower, leaning and swaying over my fitness ball in the soft lighting in the lounge room, rhythmically matching my breath up to my contractions, and purely just feeling and listening to my body. Dave was in and out of a light sleep on the sofa but would get up and gently rub my back or play with my hair when I had my contractions. He timed them too. I felt supported.

This memory instantly puts me in a place of calm. I felt centred, peaceful, and just where I was suppose to be. I was gently moving by baby down with each surge and breath, or should I say allowing my baby to move without resisting or tightening up. I did this by not labelling the sensations as painful, but as intense. Not seeing them as hurting me but seeing them as a powerful intelligence within my body allowing my baby to be born safely. Each surge was bringing my baby closer to me. 

At around 4am we made the decision to move to the hospital. We had called the midwife and she told us she thought that the contractions aren’t long enough yet and that we should wait some more. Instead, I followed my intuition and knew it was time to go, so we went anyway.

The car journey was extremely intense. I could feel Scarlett’s head had dropped signicantly inside of me and with each contraction I knew she was quickly moving further down. By this point, breathing through the powerful waves of contraction was no longer enough for me to ride them. I had to use my voice. Thinking back, we should have recorded it because it would have been hilarious to listen to afterwards. I didn’t scream but I used my voice in whatever way by humming or groaning to allow me to ride the intensity of the contractions.  

We parked at the hospital and no-one was in sight. It was dark and warm and I could see the glowing light of the hospital doors but had no idea how I was going to get there by walking. I didn’t want to walk, I wanted to lean on my fiance and groan. But he told me we had to walk, and somehow, I did. Step by step and a few contractions later we finally made it to the birthing suite. The receptionist asked me my details but all I could do was lean over the desk and make hilarious sounds during my FUCKING intense contraction. I wasn’t fully present at this point but completely inside my body, listening to and experiencing everything, working as a team with my baby and my muscles. 

The midwife saw us and guided us to our room. I laid down on the bed, had another INCREDIBLY powerful and strong contraction and vomited as well. She wanted to check how dilated I was but I knew this wasn’t necessary and needed to move off the bed onto the toilet. NOW.

The midwife underestimated how soon the baby was coming and left the room to get something for the shower. Just before the next contraction approached, I knew this was it. As a huge wave of a contraction came on, I told Dave that the babies head is coming out and he quickly rushed to get the midwife.

Then came moments of somehow peaceful transitions off of the toilet to taking off my clothes and suddenly on all fours naked in the shower. I was not feeling one bit of embarrassment or exposure like I thought I might in front of my partner, midwife and a random nurse all behind me in this moment. Instead I felt a good kind of vulnerability mixed with a whole lotta strength. Dave held the shower head on my back and the warm water soothed all of intensity and made it all the more beautiful.

My groans began to turn more into roars as I started to push my baby out rather than gently breathing her down. The midwife directed me to turn my sound more inward to pushing her out and once I did this, I felt her head and rest of her body emerge out of me.

Relief. It’s over.

As I heard my partner cry for the first time, I turned around and saw my beautiful (and rather big baby) who was surprisingly clean like she had been bathed. I managed to turn around in the shower. With both of us entangled in the cord which was still attaching her to me, I brought her into my arms.


What a journey. What a creation. Dave and I had only been in a relationship for a couple of months before we conceived. What felt like a long 9 months of still getting to know each other and many huge changes, our baby had also been growing and here she was. A tiny little human with a huge future. Regardless of all the uncertainty Dave and I’s future held at this moment in all other aspects of life, one thing we knew for sure was this creation is certain to be loved and cherished forever, by both of us.

Thank you for reading one of my most treasured memories!

Love Jade xxx

The real all about me.


First of all, for years the idea of starting a blog appealed to the creative side in me. Mainly because I like the idea of letting go all insecurity about who I am and doing this by sharing it and not knowing who will read it. A while back, the idea seemed liberating, but way too scary! What if someone judges what i write? Well, things have changed. I figure i’ve been through many scarier experiences than writing about my life and opinions. Plus, we are all surrounded by judgements all the time. So here’s to saying yes to life 👍✌

‘All about me’. ‘Tell me about yourself’. ‘How would you describe yourself in 3 words?’ I found myself with a blank stare at job interviews when this question came up, or ending up writing things like ‘bubbly, friendly, responsible’ on my resumes which is a bit of a fib considering it really depends on my mood and and a whole lot of other things as to if I’m going to be responsible or bubbly that day. I can’t describe myself in three words not because I’m not sure what my personality is or don’t know myself well but because I am human and not only a human but a WOMAN. Not only a woman but a woman who is constantly changing, growing and learning. I will no longer sit in a job interview and try to find the words that i think you want to hear or that you you should hire me because I’ll never let you down (because I probably will at some point, although I’ll do my best not to). But what I will say is that I have a kind heart, honest words, a curious mind and a whole lot of love. (Although I’m not so sure that will get me the job.) Some times I am consistent, show up on time, have awesome multi-tasking skills and good communication. Other times I am a complete whirlwind, forget my shoes, emotions all over the place, stumble on my sentences and am just trying to remember the next place im going.  I will have bad days where I may need a bit of support or encouragement, but so will you, and that’s when I’ll be there to help you right back.

I love real. I love to speak the truth and tell you exactly how it is, just as I love hearing what someone truly thinks. What about the whole ‘How are you?’ ‘Oh, i’m fine.’ I want to tell you how irritable ive been feeling and im not sure why, or that i find it so damn hard to be a housewife sometimes that i wonder if im cut out for this job, not just ‘yeah, I’m okay. ‘ I want you to tell me about how demanding your job is or your deepest desires. This may be a risky way to be as sometimes I can find myself caught up in situations where people may not like what I have to say or I may stick my nose in a public situation where I feel I have to speak my mind to try and help someone. But at the end of a day, REALNESS is amazing. I am not necessarily or claim to be an empowered woman with feminist values all the time and dont like to try and maintain any kind of identity like that anymore because thats just not realistic for me, i just want to keep it real.

I think there is a bit of a stigma around maintaining some kind of ‘mystery’ as a woman. Sure, there are times when it is socially inappropriate to say certain things or some things which should be kept to one selves but I think sometimes we need to aim to proudly be ouselves, allow people to be shocked at what we do or say, and be a shoulder to cry on because we all go through hard times in our different ways and how the heck are we supposed to be there for one another if we don’t be real about how we feel. 

I cannot believe i spent my teenage years thinking that i am working towards fitting into a certain genre or way. Even now i have days where i am focused on all that i find difficult or my weaknesses. I am on a journey to finding my authenticity and celebrating my strengths more often that not.

So, to get to the point, I am writing this blog with the intention to start writing real things without any fear of what people might think. I believe that speaking up about anything whether it be a personal experience or what you believe is right is a great liberty and good for society. It normalises people’s ‘problems’ when they think they may be alone, it makes people aware of things they might not have been aware of before, and you never know, it may just save someones life one day. So, realistically if someone was to ask me about myself, I guess I’d tell them something like this:

First and foremost, I am a mother. This role as a mother has taken up every nook and cranny of my identity and my life for the past four years and it is the best thing I have ever done/will do. I never think about what I am ‘missing out’ as some young adults may think about young parents, as I know from experience that I get more joy and happiness from my children than I could ever have got from any time travelling overseas or any experience that not being a mother could have given me. Being a mother has also created and shaped me as an adult. I have been truly tested to the core and been through many hard times, not because my children have put me through hard times, but because I’ve always had the responsibility of caring for them to my best ability while I have been having a hard time. (Ive also experienced the negative side of hormonal imbalances since having my babes.) But so much positivity has come from being a mother, my heart grew full of compassion and empathy for others which was not there before, I became much more interested in health and world issues due to wanting to protect my children, and I became aware of the true beauty, fragility and joy that the world has to offer just from creating my children. Each age and step along the way brings with it new challenges and puts you in new situations. What a complete gift a child is to everyone. I am so utterly blessed with these children. I am also from time to time ridden with fear of not being able to always protect them from the world. They are so unbelievably precious that each birthday I celebrate not just the day that they were born but the fact that ‘Thank goodness they are still here and healthy!’ The world seems like such a dangerous place and you are forced into having to just trust it because sometimes you just need to let them go to school! 😉 They are also a constant reminder every day of my own potential. I cannot actually believe I created these beautiful creatures!

I am and always have been a curious question asker. As a young child I would ask questions about everything and I still do question everything. I am a huge over-thinker and take on a lot more problems that might not be my own where I can end up deeply hurt and feel helplesss. One beautiful phrase I remind myself of often is ‘Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.’ And ‘Stop overthinking, it’s okay not to know all the answers.’ 🙂

Another pretty important thing you should know about me is that ever since I was a child I have struggled with anxiety which has come out in all different forms over the years. It is only of recent times that i have learnt to accept and embrace this part of myself which I had previously always viewed as such a dark aspect of the way i am. But the truth is, my anxiety has always led me to seeking out positive change and i would not have a lot have discovered a lot of the things that inspire me and which I adore today if it wasn’t for this so-called weakness. Because of it it also gives me the compassion  to understand people who are struggling and has given me the life experience to be able to truly care for and help others. Anxious people can often find life to be a lot more difficult than most but they are often also extremely creative and tend to be the ‘doers’ and positive changes makers of the world. So even though I have had many times in life which have been a struggle due to my anxiety and some days still can be, I choose to now trust in that this is not a negative thing and is actually a kind of gift.

I am a complete lover of life and want to explore, experience and learn everything, and I want to do it now!!! This can sometimes lead to me to be confused about what direction I am heading, what my goals are and how to get there because I can never make my mind up because I just want to do and be everything. So I am currently learning one of the most important things of all. Organisation! I am learning how to set my goals and how to get there, to slow down and enjoy all the beauty along the way. I am naturally extremely unorganised so being a housewife truly tests you, this is a priority of mine which I am working hard at.

I come from an amazing family who has had it’s ‘realness’ of up’s and down’s yet my siblings and I have supportive and close relationships with each other. I am the youngest child of four. I have two sisters and one brother. We all moved from the United Kingdom when I was 10 years old and my parents seperated when I was 14. I rely hugely on my sister’s and mum’s support and advice through all my life decisions.

I am a qualified yoga instructor but recently stopped teaching as I felt I couldn’t balance teaching, studying the practice and motherhood at the same time without becoming overwhelmed. Yoga is a very spiritual practice which I have a deep and passionate connection to but it needs to be maintained and is a disciplinary practice where you have to turn up at your mat consistently and right now I am not focused on that. So my current studies involve fully participating and finding time to balance my relationships, interests and this crazy and wonderful life that I have.

So there is a little bit about me. Stay tuned for more insight into myself, my life and the people in it as well as all over the place blogs about all kinds of things from a bit of an all over the place person.

Have a beautiful day wherever you are reading this right now 💖

Jade xx